Hidden Along the Way…..

The route the journey takes is never really about the circumstances.  It’s a pathway made to restore the broken places of the mind.  It is after all the place where our beliefs are found.  Life’s events seem to become an expose’ of that which lays hidden in their crevices.  Much has been exposed in these last years.  Much is being made new.

For years David could not relate what he was feeling to me.  His emotions had been hidden some place deep inside.  The Father has been awakening though, unwrapping the bindings that have covered his being.  As a result, a doorway has been opening giving voice to things that needed to have their say .

He said the words this time, I heard him, yet I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around them. “I need space to use my brain regardless of the outcome.” I have to figure it out when it comes to sticking to something.”  “If you are in the background “reminding me” I won’t grow.”

It had been a natural progression for us, you see.  After all we’d set things up to work this way.  An early death of a father left a young boy with a strong mother taking care of too much due to her need to find stability.  A young girl looking for validation through her abilities took care of things for others, hoping to be needed and wanted. These were the trails we had walked as we entered into this covenant of marriage.  They fit well, it seemed.  Though life ,with its twists and turns, usually tells the true story.  It never really worked we just didn’t have eyes to see, that is until his words found their way out.

They hit like an arrow straight into the bull’s-eye as I heard them for the first time.    Had I really stunted his growth all this time?  How does one reconcile the years when the ways of the flesh are exposed before you?  To dwell on what has been will only cause me to wrap up in a cloak of shame.  I couldn’t go there.  Yet someplace in this pile of mess I had to see it for what it was.  My choices hurt him, a lot.

What did it look like to live what he needed?  It was a simple request for him, a complex one for me.  After all I’d lived this way for as long as he had known me.  Yet I need him to have what he needs.  I long to set him free to run with all that is in him.  I want him to feel the fullness of the man who dwells inside his outer shell.

I find myself before the One who made me, once again desperate for His revelations.  Trust opens a doorway for me to find my resting place in He who breathes the breath of life.  He knows how to bring me into the new paths of life.

Somehow amidst the pain and sadness I feel the goodness of it all.   I want to live in this new place.  It is enough.  The mustard seed in my hands is placed in His knowing He will take it to move mountains in, me.  For this God that I love with all my being, is the resurrection and the life.

What about you?  What hidden things are you seeing these days?  What is your mustard seed for?

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11 thoughts on “Hidden Along the Way…..

  1. Incredible insights help us to see the meaning behind things so often when we don’t see them at the time. Reminds me of when my husband and I married. We were young and he always had the ‘feeling’ he needed to take care of me. In reality I had taken care of myself since childhood and did not need or want ‘someone’ to tell me what to do. That was a reminder of voices in the past and it didn’t work in the future. Once we figured that out, It was wonderful. He realized he was not a parent to me, he was a husband, a friend who could let me go and watch me return and relax in that process. We all bring baggage to our ‘relationships’ and it is a blessing when we can see them for what they are and move forward knowing a new day is coming. Habits are hard to break but it is so worth it. Thank God your husband feels safe enough to tell you matters from his heart.

    • Sharon, Thank you so much for your words. It’s taken a few years but finally my husband is starting to feel safe with me… thanks be to God. We’ve walked a road, that’s for sure… and yes we all bring baggage into our relationships.. Thanks for being here. I’m blessed by your words!

  2. “Trust opens a doorway for me to find my resting place in He who breathes the breath of life”

    It’s lines like that which validate for me, on the other side of the screen from you, that you are a writer!

    “Somehow amidst the pain and sadness I feel the goodness of it all. I want to live in this new place”

    And my friend, I am living that right there, right now!

    Keep opening the door of your heart through your keyboard! I’m loving riding along this winding road with you!

    Love!

  3. Julie, These brave beautiful words reveal a trusting heart that is not defined the place you find yourself on the journey, but by what Gods says is true about you. Your seeing David and others that way too. Sometimes the road we, and those we love have to take to realize these truths may seem like we took a wrong turn and are off track. It’s comforting to remember that we are right where we are supose to be. Keep living loved my friend, because you are!

    • My dear friend, Sharon… thank you for your words here. Some days I feel like I am wright where I’m supposed to be and other times I wonder… I truly do. Thank you for reminding me.. I am blessed to have you here, my friend!

  4. Honest post that so resonates with me as God reveals the places where I have erred in my thinking and beliefs. I too bring a mustard seed and want so badly for Him to take it and do something amazing with it. I am counting on His grace and kindness…..

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