A reflection of His heart….

Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile the feelings that force their way in.  Today was one of those days.  It’s my youngest girl’s birthday.  She has faced one disappointment after another as trusted friends canceled just hours before her sleep over.  Why do people do that anyways?

How does one reconcile the anger that settles into their being as they witness people’s choices affecting their child?  How does one look beyond the behavior and give grace?  I wanted to smack some people around and tell them a thing or two.  Didn’t they not know the message that lay hidden in their actions speaking straight into the mind of my child? No, I’m sure they didn’t.  I’m sure there was never an intent to hurt.

I saw it on her face, though as the last phone call came through. I felt so helpless.  I wanted to grab her up and kiss her heart’s boo-boo’s away.  If I could just get her to believe me maybe she wouldn’t listen to the voices shouting loud and clear into the crevices of her mind.  Maybe she would see what I see.  She is a person of great value, worth celebrating, beautiful inside and out.  Would she believe me if I told her?

I wanted to shout to her until she did… “Believe me, Lydia.”  “You are a person of great value.”  “You are worth celebrating.”  I longed for her to know the truth.  I wanted with every fiber of my being for her to turn away from the lurking lies to hear my voice above the noise around her.  Yet all I could do was speak.  She had to choose what she would receive.

Out of no where it hit me.  In an instant I was made aware of His presence as He came near.  I knew I was walking on holy ground.  God was shouting so loudly into my ears that I could not turn away.  He wanted me to know that what I feel for my girl, He feels even greater for me. “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you,” He says. (Isaiah 66:13).  Do I even get that?  Really?

For many years of this life, God has been out there somewhere, watching over everything that goes on in the world.  The view from where I stood was one of fear that I might just make the wrong step.  He was presented as One who was serious about sin, watching my every move.  You know, kinda like Santa Claus.  “You better watch out,  your better not pout, you better not cry I’m telling you why… Santa Claus is coming to town.”  “He knows when you’ve been sleeping, He knows when you’re awake.”  “He knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.”

I wanted to be good… for goodness sake.  I was afraid to approach Him, fearful of being a disappointment at best.  Convinced that when bad things happened I was being punished for my bad behavior.  I was getting what I deserved, after all you reap what you sow, right. If I’d only been better.

I didn’t really know the God of my heart.  I could not see the tenderness with which He cared for me.  So many things were so deeply distorted.

The revelations that come to me these days leave me undone.  This beautiful God that I am coming to know is revealing the truth of His heart toward me one picture at a time.  He is not who I thought He was, He’s more, so much more.

As a mother comforts her child He comforts me.  He is the mother cub who watches over me, seeing the travesty of things gone wrong.  He doesn’t like it, for He sees the messages that try to plant their way in my mind.  He wants me to know what’s real and true.   He longs for me to hear His voice loudest of all.

His heart aches as He watches, hoping that I will receive what He has come to say.  He runs to me, shouting the truth, wanting so desperately to pull me away from the voices that seek to kill, steal and destroy.  He wants to kiss the pain away and soothe me with the truth of who He knows me to be.  It’s astounding to consider…

These longings that fill my heart for my own dear child are but a reflection of His, for me.

©copyrighted:  2011, Julie L. Todd

17 thoughts on “A reflection of His heart….

  1. That was an awesome message and just what I needed to hear today! I was feeling rejected by one of my friends, so I can sympathize with dear Lydia. And the picture you drew of wanting to show her how special she is and worth celebrating, and that that is just how God feels about us – what a wonderful picture! I so needed it! I think I was feeling that truly He must love other people and see them as special, but not me. That thought was sneaking in because of this rejection I felt I had suffered. What a wonder to realize each of us really IS special and precious to Him! I am so glad somebody really does love me and prefer to be around me! Thank you so much for sharing, Julie! Your words so often speak God’s gracious truth to my heart! And thank You, Lord, for this word today!

    • Oh dear Sparrow…. SO, SO glad you are here. Do not listen to those voices, dear friend… for you are a special lady with a beautiful heart. Anyone who does not see that is blind …. Thank you for being here!

  2. A gift. You and I have shared that word between us, describing the other. It doesn’t capture it quite right for me.

    A gift. You and I have shared that word between us, describing this writing that God has given you. It doesn’t capture it quite right for me.

    A gift. The truth that is revealed to you. To me. To any one of us. Who are we that He would open our eyes to His unfailing love, His unending mercy, His truth, His profound and quite complete redemption of us all. It doesn’t capture it quite right for me.

    I love you Julie. And this post is but a reflection of the heart that Jesus has created in you. Thank you Father for bringing all the lessons, the trials, the brokeness, the freedom in Julie’s life so that she may show others You.

    • My dear friend, Rebekah…. your words as always are a gift for my heart. Yes the word “gift” doesn’t quite capture it right for me… it’s just a smidgen of what my heart feels deep within…. Thank you for being here. Thank your for encouraging me on… I am so thankful… Love you back!

  3. Well, the first thing I want to say is, “Happy happy happy birthday, Lydia!”

    I remember those times – some of them recent – when I felt “unchosen”. I’m glad you reminded me that it isn’t true. I’m glad that you are there to tell Lydia that it isn’t true. We are Chosen by the only One who truly matters. And we are chosen by so many that He has put in our lives to help us along the journey.

    Thank you.

  4. Despite the circumstances I hope Lydia had a blessed birthday! I too, remember feeling rejected at that age. I now look back and it was a blessing in disguise. I didn’t see it at the time, but God was watching out for my best interest. Some people just aren’t the right people to encourage us in the way that would be pleasing to the Lord. Thankfully she has a shining example in her mother 🙂

    • Jennifer, Thank you for coming to visit my blog. Thank you also for your sweet words. Yes, Lydia did have a good birthday.. You are SO right about God’s protection. My only concern was what it would speak to her about her…. Thanks again for stopping by!

  5. I am new to your blog. I was referred by Rebekah Grace. As I read this blog, I had tears streaming down my face. I lived and stil llive this life that you mentioned in this story. I am newly out of the “legalistic” background, so I still have a long way to go. But I wanted to thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your blog and getting to know you better.


    • Kara, I am so glad you are here. Thank you for coming… I understand the road out of religion and legalism really well. I’ve been walking out of bondage for several years… the layers are being peeled away and I am finding this amazing grace…. I look forward to your being here. If I can encourage you in any way, please let me know!!

  6. Shalom Julie…

    Even this old man could relate to this. Well….most ways, anyways. This is the aspect that I like to hear/read concerning our Father’s heart towards us. By that I mean one doesn’t find heart posts written like this in most blogs written by men. You gals have a way of making God seem more like “Abba Father” that truly loves us like little children are loved by their parents. Like yourself I too was raised under the law mandate or religeous ways of do’s and don’ts. Yet, it seems that I continuosly meet that(do’s and don’ts) with those that supposedly live by grace:) it’s sometimes difficult to get/keep that “His child” mentality. Thanks for the inside peek at a loving Father! and i’m glad to hear that Lydia had a happy birthday anyways!

    • Josiah, thank you for being here and for your words of affirmation. I understand your words … It took me a while to really grasp the reality of how God saw me. I am so glad that He doesn’t stop until I know how deeply I am loved. Your words bless me. Thank you!

  7. This makes my mother’s heart hurt for Lydia; how well, I remember being “left out” as a young child. I sometimes feel that way now as an adult. This past cancer season has been the loneliest one of my life. Even this past weekend at the conference, there were many moments when I felt forgotten, looked over, unnoticed by the world. I saw many other women in the same boat… felt the depth of their loneliness even as I felt my own. God called me to a few of them, and I was able to “feel” past my hurt to embrace the pain of others.

    How richly our Father loves us, cares for us, notices us and wants us to rest in his grace. I pray for Lydia, for you, for myself, and for all the others who’ve felt “overlooked” to know the deep measure of God’s acceptance of us. We are daughters of the King! Help us to remember, Lord!!!

    Thanks for stopping by. It’s good to hear from you.


  8. My friend Julie,
    You were on my heart the past days, and when I went to visit you, you had already moved! Well anyway, I stayed around to read the last two posts which I had not yet read.

    That was last night.

    Woke up around three a.m., and again, your name was on my heart. Felt that prompting to visit you at your new place.

    It’s beautiful, Jules. Sorry, for the wrong spelling, but honestly, when I think of you, that is the word that my heart always sees. Anyway, I am sure you know that the words we have been taught to read and write with are simply handles of what our heart sees and feels. Funny thbat I never mentioned it before, in all the years that we have been blog friends.

    One beautiful thing about blog world is that it is not physical… but as they say, virtual! So when you move, your friends move with you!

    And here I am. Glad I found you at your new place before too long. I have already read the three posts here. All beautiful. More beautiful than before. I love the header picture. And the subtitle… the journey IS the destination! That is so true! Heaven is my destination, but also, heaven has already begun right here, the moment we turned our lives over to Jesus. I want to enjoy heaven every step of the way,

    My heart goes out to Lydia, my name sake – so I must be honest that of all your five children, she is the one I feel most connected to. Except that my name is spelled L i d i a… the Spanish way.

    Glad to know she had a great birthday. At 58 I am old enough to know that when things don’t turn out the way I planned them, that’s because there iis something better in store!

    Please do relay that to her… On my 58th birthday one of my beautiful realizations was that I am not defined by those who do not love me, but by those who do…

    Much love

    • Ah dear Lidj… you are here… what a precious gift to see you and your words. I am so blessed by them! I have not visited you in so long…. I’ve not visited anyone really. I’m just so glad to see you. Thank you for being here with me!
      Much love, my friend…

  9. Love this Julie!

    I have only recently been open to the mother heart of God. I could relate to Him as a father, but not as a mother. Now that I am a mother He is whispering to me that He loves me the way I love my children.

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