Sometimes it feels like the blind leading the blind here. This is the first time we’ve embarked on territory like this. Brennan Manning said it well. “The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future.”
That pretty much sums up the road we find ourselves on. In 11 days it will be 5 months since David lost his job. It was not something we chose, it was what we were given. Once we got over the initial shock we began to ask God, “what now”.. We agreed that it was time to do something different. It was time to not allow the bills to dictate the job. It was time to walk a more narrow path than we’ve known, stepping out into the unknown, trusting God with the results.
There is no rational explanation to justify the decision we’ve made, nor is there a guarantee of our future. We walk by faith, not by sight, for honestly there’s not much to see right now. Applications and resumes are out there. No one’s biting. Crickets are chirping getting louder with every day that passes, yet we wait, we choose trust. What else is there after all?
If I were being honest I would have to say that it would be easier to handle things the way we were accustomed to using a lot of striving and self effort. It feels much harder walking by faith, trusting the Spirit inside to guide us into what needs to be done, believing we are hearing well, and following rightly.
But is it?
Isn’t it true that when I let go of my ability to figure life out I get to rest in His?
Part of the training that David received in the Coast Guard was survival skills in water. Dead Man’s float is what they call it. You take a deep breath, stretch out face down in the water and just relax. The air in the lungs becomes your floating device.
When a breath is needed, you stroke with your arms, kick easily with your legs, grab a breath and drop back down to float again. A person can last for days floating along if need be. If they allow the shock of where they are to push them to swim, chances are they will eventually drown. For they will exhaust their resources and succumb to their circumstances.
Have you ever tried floating in a body of water? Isn’t there something about it that feels uncomfortably out of control? The times I’ve tried it I’ve found myself feeling helpless, causing me to get moving with strokes to get some where other than there. It feels much harder to float than it does to swim.
Funny how that is. It’s harder to rest than it is to work.
Life these days feels a lot like the immense, never-ending sea. It’s seems easier to put forth my own efforts to try to make things happen. It’s much harder to let the breath of God keep me afloat until the rescue comes. Yet, I’ve been around the block enough to know that my vain attempts to be out of here will only leave me exhausted, getting me nowhere. What else is there but to wait in expectation and hope on the One who created the heavens and the earth to come for me?
I’m learning to float in this vast, ocean of His great love where rest is found. As I fight the urge to save myself I breathe Him in. He is after all the breath of life that keeps me afloat. Placing my face down, I allow my limbs to go limp as I choose to trust the One who came to rescue me.
How about you?
©copyrighted: 2011, Julie L. Todd