Will The Real Julie Please Stand Up?

It was the first time in my life I had ever experienced anything like it.  I used to be embarrassed to tell anyone that my birthday was coming.  I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable.  I didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to do something for me.  Most of the time I said nothing.

This year was different.  I was telling everyone about my upcoming birthday.  For the first time in my life I was celebrating ME.  I realized the great healing God had done. For not too long ago I was ashamed of who I was.  I believed I was a curse to the earth and to those who had to be in my family.

The most prominent words in my head for most of my life were “you are a problem who creates problems.”  I hated that.  I wanted it desperately to not be true.  I didn’t know who I was.  I knew what life had told me.  Will the real Julie please stand up?

As a child I loved watching the TV show, “To Tell The Truth”.  Three people sat before the panel.  Two were impostors, one was the real deal.  The panel would ask questions trying to guess which one was authentic. Sometimes they were able to fool the panel, other times they were not.  At the end of the questioning, the votes were tallied.  The announcer would then say, “Would the real Bill Smith please stand up?”  After a few minutes of deliberation as the impostors acted as if they were getting up, the real Bill would stand. The imitators were then exposed for who they were.

I lived my life trying to pretend I was something I was not… until one day…..

I heard the pastor’s invitation. “Take a journey into your soul”.  “Walk back into the archives and look for the true person dwelling inside.”  He spoke of the effects of life, of how there were two stories written on our lives.  One was the story satan had written.  The other was the story of God.  Which one were we living under?  One would take us away from our true identity, the other would take us into it.  Would we take the journey back?  He asked God to take those willing to go back into the original story of life as it had been planned.  He prayed that we would have dreams, visions and revelations.

It was the beginning of the end for me.

That next week I had a dream.  I was in a car with a young girl.  I was headed to New York with a stop in Washington DC.  I realized I was headed the wrong way so I turned back and headed south.  I took my checkbook but I had no money.  I knew the dream was significant.  I sat with God to ask Him what it all meant.

Washington, DC represents history.  New York represents new beginnings.  The checkbook revealed that I was willing to pay the cost to find my true life even though it felt like a risk.  Having no money was a revelation that I was empty of my own resources.  I could not pay my own way.  The child was me.  His words washed over me.  “Beauty restored.” “What was lost the destroyer tried to take.”  “But I am restoring you.”

It has been His way in me these last seven years.

The end of my resources was the beginning of life.  I could no longer strive.  It placed me on a road of new beginnings.  Without striving I became open to receive all that He would give.  The journey took me back into the archives of my history, allowing God to replace what I had believed with the truth of what He knew.  He revealed me as I was meant to be.

I saw that He was no longer the God of rules and regulations.  He was now the God of rescue and love.  He had known who I was all along.  My world opened as He became real to me in ways I had not known.

This past Tuesday, I was excited to tell of the day I was born.  I knew His delight of me.   Together we celebrated ME.

Beauty is rising out of the ashes of my life as God continues to make all things new.  This once broken-hearted woman is finding her true soul.  It is the story of God.  It is the story of me.  It is the story of us.  Will the really Julie please stand up?  She is.

©copyrighted: 2012, julie l. todd

25 thoughts on “Will The Real Julie Please Stand Up?

  1. Oh Jewelz, . . . This is everyone’s story – the true and false self battling it out on the stage of life – and you have beautifully articulated your narrative in a way that I imagine will bring hope and healing to the ones who need to read just these words.

    Well done, you. And a MOST felicitous HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Beloved.

    • Erika, Your words bless me, truly. Sometimes I wonder why I write what I do…. sometimes I think that maybe I should just put this in my journal and leave it there. Thank you for encouraging me that sharing my story here is a good thing! Thank you also for the birthday wishes! Love you dear one!

  2. Your words come off the screen with a real experience and heart behind them. I can’t read them fast enough.

    I recall just a year after returning Home, it was getting close to the Christmas season and I was feeling condemned by my wanting to decorate (something I’ve loved to do since I was a child). I was sitting in my chair reading and looking at some snowmen from a collection I had (still do), knowing snowmen have nothing to do with Jesus (I told you it was condemnation). I remember asking Him, “What kind of Christian do you want me to be? LIke my mom? My dad? My grandma? Or my grandpa?” His response was, “I want you to be the you I created you to be!”

    That was 3 years ago……He is still opening Himself up in me to see who I am aside from all the Christian’s in my family. I am unique. I am beloved. I am His. The more I focus on my Savior, the less it matters what others are or were, I just am. In Him.

    My Sunday is now complete. I’ve read Julie’s words 🙂

  3. God calls you to share yourself so that we can be blessed by your words in our own journeys. You are touching lives. Don’t listen to the voice that tells you to stop writing. It sounds like just another way the deceiver is using to get you to doubt yourself and to stop doing things that bless others.

    • Karen, Every time I see your name I am overwhelmed to think that a friend from high school is here with me. Your words bless, it’s that simple… they just bless.

      Thank you!

  4. Julie, thank you so much for sharing. It is encouraging to read of God’s healing in your life and the way in which He began that process. A very happy birthday when ever it is.

  5. Important things first: Happy belated birthday Julie!

    I know, this is getting old – but what can I do when you’re always writing about things so very timely for me? Yep. Liked to you again. I’ve been on a journey into my soul and visiting history too…

    Thank you for this post. And thank you for keeping up the writing despite your “new life” 🙂

    • Dear Eija, My new friend from another side of this world… how blessed that you would share your journey with me,….astounds me…

      Thank you truly thank you for taking the time to read!

  6. God bless you and your sweet spirit, Julie. I am encouraged and challenged to see the real me every day. I can’t thank you enough for sharing the words here. I felt as if your heart was speaking to my heart. I have struggled lately, but I know God is there and I am loved completely by him. Blessings to you, dear friend, as we journey with our Lord!

  7. Hi Julie,
    About the creamy chicken and wild rice soup…I am pretty sure I used my 3 quart slow cooker for this recipe. You can use your 7 quart but it will mostly likely cook a lot quicker. It will probably be done in about 4-6 hours. Thanks and good luck! Karen Petersen

  8. As always…beautiful words describing the breath taking journey He is taking you on.

    Julie, I am taking a break from blogging for the summer (your winter) and was wanting to ask you if you could do a guest post for me. (Being that you are one of my fav bloggers, and all!) Let me know what you think. It can be old or new. I believe the Father is going to use the stories I feature on my blog as I take a break to change lives.

    Love you my friend, Jo xoxo

    • Oh Debbie, finding this in my inbox this morning blessed me beyond words. I have not written a thing since this last time. There has been much going on in my life so much that I don’t have words to write these days. It breaks my heart as I love writing so much!… There is no other link I could send you. Maybe words will come to me, I pray so. For it is one of the great loves of my life. Thank you for your words… really!

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