The Way of the Wounded Heart©

Words have been silent here in these weeks past, yet God has not stopped doing what only He can do.  He continues to reconcile things from days gone by.  Places of resentment that I’ve not known of have been rising up to be seen.

I’ve been reading “The Cure” these past few weeks.  One particular quote started a domino effect in me.  “The question is how do I know I’ve actually forgiven someone who has sinned against me?”  “Answer:  the moment I can offer that person my love again.”**  I knew it as soon as I read it.  Something was amiss in my forgiveness.  I did not really want to offer certain people love again.

Feeling the weight of it all I gathered up my things to draw away. What was the missing link?  Where had my choices gone wrong?  I had written pages in my journal trying to do the right thing.  Why had it not worked?

I had been hurt, deeply by the sins of others.   No matter how much I wanted to be free I didn’t seem to be able to reconcile it all.  I had done what I had known to do, willing myself to forgive.  Yet here I was bankrupt, feeling the weight of pain as if it all had happened yesterday.  Why did I still feel so bound by another’s sins I wondered.

“Paint a picture for me, sweet Jesus,” I asked.

Immediately I saw a woman holding multiple pages of a bank statement, each filled with one entry after another.  There were many withdrawals, yet not so many deposits.  The account appeared to be bankrupt.  I saw the woman begin to fold them up.  She walked down to the river where a man sat on a bench.  She handed the statements to him and said. “Can you reconcile all this?”

It was then I heard His words as they invaded my thoughts.

“You don’t have the ability to replenish what was stolen from you.” “You don’t do magic by willing yourself to forgive someone.” “Release comes when you bring it all to me.”  “I am the only person who can exchange what they have done to you for mercy and grace.”  “I am the only one who can reconcile the wrong done to you.”  “I make all things work together for your good.”  “You have no ability to do that.”

I began to consider all the times I had been told that all I had to do was will it to be.  Choose forgiveness I was told.  It is the right thing to do after all.  I hadn’t really understood what this meant.  Somehow I thought in my willing to choose something magical would happen.

“It’s not your choice to forgive that does the work.”  “It’s your choice to come to me entrusting me with what has been done to you.” “In the moment that you leave it in my hands and walk away, that’s forgiveness.” “It is in the letting go that your captive heart finds release.””The wrongs done against you are taken out of your hands and placed in mine.” “You say to me, “Jesus, I can’t carry this anymore.”  “I need you.” “Please reconcile this wrong.” “Please heal my pain.”

“I work forgiveness…..”  “I work reconciliation.”  “You have made it about your will to choose.” “That’s not it.” “It’s my work to forgive.” “I am the Mediator.”  “I am the Restorer.” “I am the Forgiver of sins.” “When you show up to deposit it all in me you allow my work to begin in you.”

“You’ve been told to choose it.”  “You don’t choose forgiveness, you choose to let go to me.” “It’s an exchange, Jewel, from your hands to mine, so that I might do the supernatural work of restoration.”

“I entrusted myself to Him who judges justly.”  “I let God be the caretaker of the wrongs done to me.”  “That’s what you do.” “Forgiveness is saying, “Jesus I’ve been hurt.”  “Sin has cost me.”  “I’m bringing it to you, for you have covered all sin.”  “I’m trusting you with it and with me.” “Let God be the caretaker of the wrongs done to you, Jewel.”  “Let Him make all things new.”  “It’s not your work.” “It’s mine.

“Sin is costly, you cannot ever reconcile that.”  “It’s what I do.”  “It’s what I’ve done.” “Sin has a sting to it.”  “I apply the balm to the sting to heal.” “It does not dismiss the wrongs done to you.” “It acknowledges their damage by bringing them to me to reconcile.” “You entrust it to my care for me to do my thing.”

All these years I’ve been willing something that cannot be willed.  It must be carried to the One who absolves the effects of sins.  He is the Way, the Truth, the Life.  He beckons me to come unto Him weary and heavy laden offering to me rest as He takes that which burdens my heart upon Himself.  He offers His yoke to me which is easy and His burden, which is light.  It is the way of the wounded heart.  It is the road to freedom and life.

**(The Cure: by John Lynch, Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol)

©copyrighted:  Julie L. Todd 2012

22 thoughts on “The Way of the Wounded Heart©

  1. Oh, Jewel, I loved this. I particularly liked the paragraph that started out, “I entrusted myself to Him who judges justly”. Also the visual of the bank statements to reconcile was so good. So many times (especially before computers) when working and working to reconcile a bank statement maybe just for $2 to 2 cents but knowing it wasn’t right until it balanced completely was so frustrating. Again, I love your way with words. What a beautiful description of forgiveness. I love you, Mom

  2. I loved reading “the cure” too and want to read it again. What a great example of what forgiveness truly is as so many simple recommend you forgive and forget, which is not healing. Thanks Jooolie! Glad to see you writing again!!

    • Amy, the day you entered our family was a gift from God. I love you, my dear niece. You are a bright, shining light of love! Thank you for your words! They bless me so much!

  3. I so needed this message this morning…I had just checked the posts yesterday, for anything new…because your words and your heart always uplift me. I have struggled for over a year now with an issue ..not even having anything to do with forgiveness..but an addiction I have..and I have failed miserably to overcome it…bringing me to despair, physical sickness, mental torment and overwhelming fear….and yet…this post on forgiveness made me be honest with myself and realize that part of this failure to see victory in one area could be hindered by my own unforgiveness toward someone…..and I thank you so much for listening to the Spirit of God and sharing your thoughts, experiences and words others like me can see clearly too…and find a new prayer..a new way…a new hope….

    You are so precious and so gifted…thank you seems inadequate but it’s sincere….

    • tamkaye, I am speechless. How could God use my messed up mind to bless another … it stuns me, I never grow weary of seeing that! Thank you so much, you have touched me in a precious way…

  4. Yes, yes, yes, yes… a million times yes. Beautifully put and very healing. This ministered to my heart and let some light come into a couple of situations that have still caused me so much pain from the past. Thank you !

    • My dear friend, John Lynch…. it is the words that you and your cronies have written and spoken that have brought such truth and light to my heart. It’s as if God turns on a search light when you guys start speaking of His beautiful heart. I thank YOU for your words that paint a picture of His amazing grace! So blessed to call you friend!

  5. Julie, I have been absent from blogging for awhile but I came looking for you hoping that you were still on here writing and…here you are! What a wonderful truth filled post. I love this!!

    • Daveda, Thank you for looking for me. I am still writing, periodically, not like I would like to be. Much has happened in my life this last year and time to write is few and far between… but the longing is still there in my heart. When God gives me words I come here.. I am so thankful you came to visit! Bless you, friend!

  6. What a timely post for me, dear Jewelz. (in my country, we would spell your name as J-u-l-e-s)…

    I never heard it put that way before, that the proof of my forgiveness is my willingness to offer my love to that person again. What a confirmation indeed. I had been wondering if a person who had hurt me so much was already truly forgiven by me. The intellectual forgiveness does not work… never has, never will. There has to be a more tangible proof…

    This post was so helpful, because it gave me confirmation about a course of action I had chosen just over the past weeks. Thank you for writing what was on your heart!

    Much love

    • My dear Lidj, what an honor to have your words that bless me so! Thank you for visiting my friend. Life has taken quite a turn this last year and after 24 years of being home I returned to work, 5 days – 30 hours + a week. My time for writing has diminished quite a bit as has my time for visiting blogs. How honored I am that you would come to visit me even when I am MIA in blogworld. I love your visits… Bless you, friend!

  7. Thank you for writing this. I am thankful that I found this. It clarifies some thoughts theologically on a passage of Scripture. Also, a place that I am wrestling with and how I simply need to come to the Lord with it. I can’t do it. He is in the business of reconciling that which is broken.

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