It’s been years since this happened but the memory floods my mind as if it were yesterday. At the time my husband was in the midst of a job transition. Working part-time at Starbucks, living off of cash from a house sale we had no clue where the road would take us. The money was running out, something had to be done. Somehow David had to find a new path to take in regards to a career. How would we know what step to take next? What if we missed God and His perfect will. I was being challenged in ways I’d not known before. The truth is I didn’t really know the God I had declared to follow and I had no clue. At that time in my life I didn’t really “get” that Jesus dwelt inside me, that I was the embodiment of His very life. I knew the verses that I had been crucified with Christ and no longer lived. I knew that He now lived in me but I didn’t really understand. The veil of religion kept me from seeing what was real and true.
Here now fifteen years later, as I think back on those days I am overwhelmed at how truly blind I was. At the same time I am amazed at what God has done in me. I can remember reading the verses in Hebrews that spoke of the veil over hearts but I didn’t even know that there was one over mine. Days like the one I am about to share were used to rent the veil in order that I might know what was right and good. The reality of this brings on a new meaning of that day when Jesus breathed His last and the temple veil was torn from top to bottom. A new story had begun, the life that had once been was now dead. A new way of living would emerge 3 days later. Jesus would not be on the outside any longer. He would now indwell a human being. It was a game changer. Funny how things become apparent in their true meaning as your eyes are opened.
God has always spoken to me through the normal, everyday things in life, wrapping a new picture for my mind to grasp. This particular day, years back, was one of those moments. It was time to untether the wrong thinking with a picture that would renew my mind. Though I had a glimpse of it back then I see it in totality now.
It was an ordinary day in our house. David and I were sitting at the desk in the downstairs looking up something on the computer. Our son, Josiah, came bounding down the stairs rushing out the door. Immediately David called his name. He had something he wanted to tell him, but Josiah was focused elsewhere and didn’t hear. David called him louder, again no response. He got up and walked to the door and called again. Still nothing. At that point he ran after him, out the door, down the driveway calling out until Josiah heard him. He turned towards his dad and then he heard.
In a moment’s time God began to speak to me. The conversation went something like this,. “Julie, did you see that?” “Did you see the pursuit of David towards Josiah?” “It wasn’t up to him, Jewel, it was up to David.” “That’s how it is with me.” “Everything is on me.”
As these years have passed a simple picture has become more profound for me. The life I once lived is falling away as I embrace the life I have truly been given. In those days I was infused in the ways of religion that required performance and striving to obtain something I never could. In these present days I’m embracing the new life that was implanted into my being. It’s all on Him, it always has been. All things are changing as a result.
What I’ve come to understand is that the perfect will of God is not something I must search to find. It is Jesus, simply Jesus. What astounds me even more is the consideration that Jesus lives in me. He indwells me in totality. The will of God is already in me. Nothing will change that.
One season of life led me to strive to be something I could never be and know something I could never know. I was looking in the wrong place. The search for God’s perfect will to be revealed in a circumstance led me down a path of great fear and high requirements for myself. There is no perfect will to discover. It has already been revealed. There is a perfection that lives in me. He has perfected all of life in this broken world. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He makes life make sense when it doesn’t. He leads me on the path as I simply give way to what He has done.
This reality that the will of God is a person who lives in me, well that changes everything. His words continue on as my understanding deepens. “It’s not about following some perfect plan, Jewel.” “It’s about living in the reality of what you have.” “I am in you.” “My very life inhabits you completely.” “Live like that is true, Jewel, because it is.” “Live in the new life, the new way.”
“You can shut me out.” “You can choose not to listen.” “You can go your own way doing your own thing in your own focus, just like Josiah did with David that day.” “But I will never leave.” “I will consistently pursue you.” “I will use everything to bring you into the knowledge of who I am.” “I will tell you what you need to know.” “That’s on me, Jewel.” “I will never be shut out.” “I will still be right there in you.” “If you are in Christ you are in my perfect will.” “You can never be out of it.” “You can live as though you don’t understand or trust Me.” “You can even live as though you are not listening, but if Jesus is in you, you are in my will.” “It’s that simple.”
I saw God that day in a way that changed me forever. I still do.
I hope you see Him too.
“He leads me in paths of righteousness for His own name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3
@copyrighted: Julie L. Todd 2017
My Long and Winding Road 